


Reality Check

by Kantayra of Yore (Kantayra)



Category: Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2004-01-04
Updated: 2004-01-04
Packaged: 2017-10-21 00:43:22
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,833
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/219039
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kantayra/pseuds/Kantayra%20of%20Yore
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A series of looks at how the morning after 'Smashed' could (and couldn't) have gone. An angsty ficlet.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Reality Check

_He wakes to warm, gentle kisses running down his chest, tender fingers stroking his bare flesh affectionately. For one moment, he just keeps his eyes shut and savors the moment. She’s on to him, though, and he feels a smile in her lips as they climb his body, all the way up to his face._

 _“’Morning, lover,” she whispers, brushing her lips across his._

 _He savors the touch, keeping their kiss short and sweet. After all, they have all the time in the world for mad passion. “’Mornin’,” he agrees, voice husky with sleep and pleasure. He opens his eyes for the first time, and the sight before him takes his breath away._

 _“What?” she says self-consciously, her cheeks reddening slightly._

 _“You’re so beautiful, luv,” he purrs in response, pulling her back to him. “So perfect.” He places a sweet kiss in her hair, breathing deep of the scent of lilac. “Just like I always knew you’d be…”_

 _He can’t see her reaction as her head lies pillowed on his chest, but he can imagine her cheeks tingeing pink, a delighted little smile curling her lips, lighting up her face…_

 _She begins playing experimentally with one of his nipples, circling it with her finger. “You’re not what I imagined,” she sighed contentedly against him. “All this time I was so afraid, and…” She trailed off, and the second he had to wait was pure torture. “Why didn’t you just tell me that you were beautiful, too? Stupid vampire,” she added in a good-natured grumble._

 _He chuckles at that. That’s his girl. The vibrations of his chest make her giggle, and she props herself up on one elbow to look down at him, her golden hair curtaining her face. “Thanks for last night,” she whispers almost shyly. “I-I know things’ve been difficult, but you’ve always been there for me, always let me work my frustrations out and…” She smiles, and hazel eyes look intently into his. “Thank you,” she breathes before leaning in to kiss him again._

 _“I love you, Buffy,” he gives the only response he has when she’s pulled away and is smiling down upon him once more._

 _She bites her lower lip at that, but he can tell she’s smiling, that she’s finally really heard the words and likes hearing them. Then, oh-so-softly, her hand comes up to cup his cheek. “You know,” she begins nervously, “it’s funny…because I think I’m starting to lo—”_

* * *

 _“Marry me.”_

 _Buffy lets out an incredulous giggle. “What?”_

 _He smiles softly and strokes her hair. “Marry me,” he repeats._

 _Buffy shakes her head. “We’ve been together all of…what? One night now?”_

 _“Yeah, but ‘m known for my impulsiveness and my impatience,” he retorts matter-of-factly. “So will you marry me?”_

 _“Spike…” she warns._

 _“C’mon, luv,” he teases lightly, and even he doesn’t quite know whether he’s serious or not. “Think how excited the Bit’ll be. Give Harris a bit of courage, too, seeing us go through with it first.”_

 _With a disbelieving smile, she leans in and brushes a kiss across his forehead. “You’re crazy, you know that?”_

 _“But you love me anyway,” he retorts cheekily._

 _A slight blush. “Maybe…” she concedes, looking up at him coyly from under long ashes._

 _“Maybe you love me, or maybe you’ll marry me?” he teases._

 _“Maybe I’ll tell you,” she counters, “if you remind me again why I’d have reason to do either.”_

 _A wicked grin crosses his face, and he tackles her back to the floor, slips between her thighs, and…_

* * *

 _He wakes up slowly, tries to move, and frowns when he can’t. Blinking confusedly, he discovers that he’s in a basement – her basement, he realizes. How did he get here? And where is Buffy?_

 _“I decided it’d be a good idea to move where we wouldn’t be disturbed,” a familiar voice sounds from the shadows. “And really, Spike, I’m surprised. You slept the entire way back here. I hope I didn’t…tire you out to much?”_

 _His vampire eyes cut through the dark, and he sees his Slayer. And gulps._

 _She steps forward, clad in the skimpiest leather gear known to mankind. Strips of black cross over the peaks of her breasts, and a little slip of cloth covers the junction between her thighs. A thick black collar and knee-high leather boots completes the ensemble._

 _Instantly, his mouth is dry and his cock is hard. He moves to touch her and suddenly remembers that he can’t move. He looks up and realizes for the first time that she’s got him chained to her wall. Chained and naked. “Fuck, Buffy…” He’s practically coming just at the thought._

 _“Did I give you permission to talk?” she chides him, tilting his head back to expose the pale column of his throat. “Perhaps you’ll have to be…punished…”_

 _God, he’s never seen anything sexier in all his unlife than that gleam in her eyes as she says this. It’s a struggle not to moan. And then he can’t contain it anymore when she leans in and bites him hard on the neck with blunt teeth._

 _“Yes!” he cries out in ecstasy._

 _She stops in response, making him whimper. “You really are a naughty vampire, aren’t you?” she asks conversationally, fingers trailing lightly down the bare chest displayed before her. “I think I’ll still keep you, though. You’re always such hard work, but well worth the effort. Make you into my good little boy…”_

 _“Whatever you want, Buffy,” he purrs. “’m yours.”_

 _A flash of pleasure and power crosses her face, and she decides not to punish him for talking out of turn…yet. “For how long?”_

 _“Always. Forever. You know that, luv.”_

 _She does, but surprised pleasure flashes through her eyes anyway. She catches hold of his head again, but this time turns him to face her. Places one quick kiss on the corner of his lips. “Good Spike,” she teases lightly, and he sees pure delighted pleasure in her eyes at their little game, that he’s willing to let her be whatever she wants, even the inner closet dominatrix. “And maybe I’ll just reward you for giving the correct answer.”_

 _“Thank you, mistress,” he agrees, lips curving upwards in anticipation…_

* * *

 _He awakes and it feels like his entire body is on fire. Sleepy eyes open to meet with impassioned green ones curtained by long tresses of golden hair. Buffy gives him a grin before throwing her head back and riding him harder._

 _He groans in pleasure as her hands trace over the muscles of his chest, scraping so that his flesh stings just the right amount before gently caressing his inflamed flesh. It drives him over the edge how well this woman knows how to touch him, how she knows just perfectly how to turn him on, how her breasts bounce as she rides him into oblivion, the cry of ecstasy when she finds her pleasure with him._

 _He feels the pleasure wash over him as well, feels her body collapse atop his, and holds her tightly against him as they complete their union._

 _It’s a few minutes before either of them has the breath to speak._

 _“Quite a wake-up call, luv,” he purrs affectionately against her ear._

 _She murmurs contentedly. “Care to repeat it every morning from now on?” she asks, her voice sounding slightly needy as if she’s afraid he’ll reject her._

 _“Sounds like heaven,” he whispers._

 _She pauses at that, thinking of her own experiences no doubt, before a slow smile creeps up upon her face. “Yeah…” she agrees slowly, “it does, doesn’t it?”_

 _Her sweet admission makes him want her all over again, and he thinks with her as his inspiration he could go on forever. She squeals in delight as he flips them over, enters her warmth once more._

 _“Every morning from now on,” he promises fervently._

 _And she can do nothing but moan her approval before pulling him in for another deep kiss…_

* * *

 _He wakes up to feel blunt teeth nibbling on his throat. Buffy realizes he’s awake, and she bites harder, making him moan with desire for her once more. He opens his eyes and pulls her in for a slow, sensual kiss. Her lips are hungry against his, almost as if she’s trying to devour him alive. Eventually, he’s forced to pull back because he knows she needs the oxygen._

 _“God, you make me feel so good,” she whispers against his skin, continuing to taste him._

 _He nuzzles her own throat, attacks her throbbing pulse-point with blunt teeth._

 _She gasps in response, rolling beneath him and giving herself over to his tender mercies. “I-I feel alive when I’m with you,” she confesses softly._

 _He looks down into her saddened eyes, but doesn’t feel the need to speak. He knows she just wants to let this all out on him._

 _“I don’t think I can take this anymore,” she admits ruefully. “Being the Slayer, having everyone depend on me, the world resting on my shoulders…” A tear in her eye now. “I already paid my dues!” she exclaims in frustration. “It’s not fair…”_

 _He wants to say he’s sorry, but he knows it won’t do her any good. It won’t make this cruel world any easier; it won’t take back all the pain of her existence… So he kisses her instead, and she clings to him, drinking from his mouth as if he’s her salvation._

 _“Being dead is the only thing that’s ever made me happy,” she confesses in a tired whisper, looking deep into his eyes._

 _He can see the determination there, the loss, and he doesn’t know how to respond to make everything better. It leaves him helpless for a moment before her next words light a new fire deep inside, a hope he’d never even dared to think about before._

 _“Being with you…it’s kinda like being dead. I mean, I know you’re technically dead, but being with you is so wonderful, just like…” She can’t bring herself to say the word. “Bring me into your world,” she pleads softly, guiding his lips to her throat. “Free me from all this suffering.”_

 _“Buffy…” he protests softly even as the demon within finds the perfect place to mark her as his for eternity._

 _“Please, Spike,” she presses softly. “I’ve lived and died the Slayer’s life, and I’m tired of it. Let me spend the rest of my years with you, an eternity if you’ll have me…”_

 _“Never leave you,” he promises as his features shift, his demon emerging. And, even in his dream he knows this could never happen, but he revels in the fantasy anyway. He can practically feel her hot blood on his tongue. Her body writhes and moans beneath him, in ecstasy as his fangs pierce deep inside her, deeper than either of them ever imagined he could get._

 _He slices his wrist with one claw, and then she’s drinking hungrily, and he’s inside her and she’s inside him, and it’s so perfect, and they’re practically crying from the sheer pleasure of it, and then that one moment comes, the one where their beings merge into one, and he feels such love and devotion that it’s almost overwhelming._

 _And he knows in that moment that they really do have forever now. Literally…_

* * *

 _He awakes slowly, smiling contentedly when he feels languid limbs just beginning to stir against his. For many minutes, the two of them just snuggle together contentedly, naked flesh gently caressing naked flesh. A deep satisfaction has settled through both their bodies at the pleasures they experienced together last night, and neither is eager to give up the memories so quickly._

 _However, eventually he can’t resist any longer and opens his eyes to look at his sleeping love. His fingers move to brush sleep-tangled blonde hair back from her forehead. Her skin is still flushed and sticky with sweat from their mating last night, but to him she’s never looked more beautiful._

 _He whispers those words against her ear and is finally rewarded when she opens her eyes to look at him, her expression caught indecisively between happy and unsure. He kisses her brow gently to let her know that the latter doesn’t enter into it at all for him._

 _She sighs in response. “’Morning,” she ventures nervously._

 _“’Mornin’, luv,” he purrs, feet tangling with hers, rubbing up against her affectionately._

 _This seems to amuse her, and a little smile hinges at the corners of her lips. “Um…so, yeah.” Her face flushes, and she looks delightfully embarrassed by this unusual position they’re in._

 _“Feeling a bit awkward this morning, are we?” he asks sympathetically, pulling her up against him so that her head rests in the crook of his shoulder. He’s inwardly pleased when she doesn’t resist in the slightest. “Would it help if I told you I love you?”_

 _She blushes even more at that, and her fingers begin playing absentmindedly with one of his nipples in response. “I know,” she admits softly. “But…”_

 _A hint of disappointment sinks into his body. “You tellin’ me last night was a mistake?” he demands more harshly than he intends._

 _She bites her lip in response, but then little memories flit through the backs of her eyes. Highlights of the pleasure and intimacy they shared together last night, and she finds that she can’t really be sorry it happened. “No, not a mistake,” she assures him. “Just…”_

 _She hesitates, trying to come up with the right word, and it feels like a millennium of agony to him. But then a shaky smile crosses her face._

 _“It’s just,” she repeats more confidently this time, “I think we’re moving a little bit too fast.”_

 _He considers that for a moment. Can’t decide whether it’s good news or bad. “‘Too fast’?” he demands clarification._

 _“I…” she sighs against his chest, buries her face in deeper for a second, inhaling his musky scent. An audible gulp as she forms her thoughts. “I’m…not really quite back again from being…y’know…” She trails off, the first hints of sadness that he’s seen in her since she’s woken up slipping into her voice. Several deep breaths. “I’m just not sure I’m ready yet to commit to something so serious.”_

 _He takes a moment to digest that, hopes and fears swirling about in the back of his mind. “What do you want from me?” he finally asks, his voice sounding frightened even to his own ears._

 _She quickly reassures him, her hand reaching up to cup his jaw, secretly delighted to feel the first growth of stubble on his chin. It makes him feel more real to her, like the man she’s always known he is deep underneath. “I want you,” she promises. “But I just…maybe we could take things a little bit slower?” She looks up at him hopefully._

 _“Slower?” He raises one eyebrow in response. “Like how, kitten?”_

 _She gulps. “Like maybe you could kiss me now?” she requests softly._

 _He grins at that, but it’s not his usual seductive smirk. It’s more of a happy smile, an expression that’s been too alien to the both of them for many years. Buffy can’t help but smile as well in response, and then his lips are upon hers, and they’re not pressing or demanding this time, but they’re just letting her be. She returns the favor by wrapping her arms around him, holding him close and letting the first hints of a blossoming love slip through into their kiss._

 _They break away after not too long. These kisses aren’t about driving each other wild or becoming breathless with desire. They’re about slowly getting to know each other better, sharing their thoughts and dreams and wants._

 _“Think I can do ‘slowly’,” Spike agrees, burying his nose in her hair and breathing deep._

 _And Buffy sighs contentedly. “Tell me about yourself,” she pleads softly. “I want to know you, understand you…”_

 _And this isn’t the wild sex he’s envisioned so often, but it’s even better because it’s him she really wants. The real him. The man she’s brought back to life through his love for her. And, as he starts to tell her his deepest secrets, entrusting all that he is to her, he doesn’t think he could ever imagine being this happy in all his one-hundred twenty-one years…_

* * *

Spike wakes and realizes with satisfaction that his body pleasantly aches all over. Last night wasn’t a dream, then, but this morning…that’s still to be determined. Smiling, he stretches languidly, dares to open his eyes…

“Oh god,” Buffy says, already backed as far away from him as she can get in the wreckage.

And all the things in her eyes – disgust, revulsion, hatred, shame, panic – make it clear to him that this morning after will be worse than anything he ever could’ve imagined. And a part of him deep inside begins to feel unclean, used, _worthless_ just for having put that look into her eyes.

Oh yes, it’s time for a reality check.


End file.
